Kundalini doesn’t ask for permission—she kicks down the door in the middle of meal prep.

I wasn’t meditating under a Bodhi tree. I was crying over onions, wondering if I was having a breakdown or just really hated chopping.

Not in an ashram. Not in white linen. Just me, a knife, a half-prepped dinner, and the sting of something ancient waking up in my spine like, “Hey babe, ready to lose everything you thought was real?”

This is the side of awakening no one glamorizes: the gritty, glorious undoing of everything you thought you were.

The Day the Serpent Yawned

I was home alone, halfway through chopping onions, somewhere between a breakdown and a Bolognese.

My eyes were already tearing up—thank you, onions—and then my spine decided to join the drama. A slow heat unfurled at the base, like a yawn… but make it cosmic.

It wasn’t fireworks or flutes. No doves descended. Just me, a kitchen knife, and an energy moving inside my body like, “Mmm, good morning.”

I stood there, unsure if I was about to collapse or levitate.

Turns out—my ego had been rummaging through the control panel and froze mid-sabotage, caught red-handed like a raccoon in the fridge. It slinked into the corner, pretending it had nothing to do with any of this.

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Awakening Ain’t Pretty

People talk about awakening like it’s a luxury retreat. Spoiler: it’s not.

It’s more like your nervous system signs up for CrossFit without telling you. You cry over spoons. You rage at your socks.

You don’t become a light being—you become a hot mess with occasional prophetic insight.

It’s not about becoming peaceful. It’s about becoming honest. And sometimes that looks like not texting back because you’re busy dealing with your inner child.

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Kundalini Integration Isn’t Instant

Once the serpent wakes up, she doesn’t exactly send a PDF of next steps.

You’re expected to go back to work like nothing happened, while your soul is busy rearranging your entire existence.

You still make dinner. Pay bills. Smile at neighbors. But internally? You’re hosting a full-blown cosmic renovation.

Some days you feel like a goddess. Other days you wonder if your shadows accidentally sat on your life and crushed it.

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Kundalini Awakening Is a Relationship with the Divine… and She Doesn’t Text Back

The Divine has commitment issues.

One minute she’s flooding you with visions, the next she’s gone without a trace—no signs, no symbols, not even a courtesy feather on your path.

She doesn’t answer questions. She sends riddles. She doesn’t bring peace—she slides a mirror across the table, tilts her head, and purrs, “Look again, darling… but this time, don’t look away.”

Awakening is the most confusing, romantic, painful, beautiful relationship you’ll ever have—with your own damn soul.

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You Weren’t in Love—You Were in Relationship with Your Fears.

And then there’s Love.

Oh—hi. I wasn’t expecting you.

If Kundalini is Agape—sacred, cosmic, the fire of devotion—
then Love is definitely Eros.

She shows up uninvited, dressed like trouble, dripping with temptation.
The lesson wrapped in lace.

She doesn’t knock. Why bother? She storms into your house like she owns the lease to your longing, tosses her coat on your doubts, heads straight to your mini bar and pours your favorite drink—right over your insecurities.
Then she winks, smiles, and lays on your bed of traumas like it’s hers, and lights a cigarette in your non-smoking heart.

You watch her, half horrified, half hypnotized. Because somehow, you’ve been waiting for this chaos to feel like clarity.

But here’s the thing:
You weren’t in love with them—you were entangled with your own fear, dressed up as desire.

It wasn’t them you were drawn to.
It was the aching part of you still waiting to be chosen… hoping someone else could prove you were worthy all along.

They didn’t break your heart.
They cracked the mirror you’d been using to avoid yourself.

Awakening rips away the fantasy. It makes you see clearly: The craving wasn’t for them. It was for safety.

Real love doesn’t enter like a storm. It meets you in the stillness. It doesn’t rush. It doesn’t rescue.
It reminds.

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And Still, It Was Worth It

At some point, you’ll miss the ignorance. You’ll think, “Maybe I was better off asleep.”

But one day you’ll laugh—really laugh—because you’re no longer waiting.

Not to be saved. Not to be seen. Not to be chosen.

You’ll be sitting with messy hair, questionable choices, and zero answers—and you’ll feel free.

“Spiritual awakening is not for the faint of heart.
But neither is living a lie.”

Recommendations:

For a deeper exploration of Kundalini as the sacred serpent energy that transforms consciousness, I highly recommend the work of Igor Kufayev, a spiritual teacher whose insights on Samāveśa and energetic awakening offer profound perspective.

If you’re navigating this path, you might also resonate with 🌸 The Feminine Speaks: Authenticity and Self-Awareness,🌸 a reflection on truth rising through the body. Or explore✨ Tantra and Yoga: Uniting the Masculine and Feminine✨ to see how Kundalini weaves into sacred union.